Bored During Meetings?

Bored during meetings? Why not try some of these little exercises. Not only will it make meetings more interesting, but your fellow work mates will become suddenly more alert, aware of your presence and maintain a respectful distance. During a meeting ...

• Discreetly clasp hold of someone's hand and whisper - "Can you feel it?"
• Draw enormous genitalia on your notepad and discreetly show it to the person next to you for their approval.
• Wear a hands free phone headset throughout. Once in a while drift off into an unrelated conversation such as, "I don't care if there are no dwarfs, just get the show done!".
• Write the words - "He fancies you" on your pad and show it to the person next to you while indicating with your pen.
• Respond to a serious question with - "I don't know what to say, obviously I'm flattered, but it's all happened so fast".
• Reconstruct the meeting in front of you using action figures and when anyone moves, re-arrange the figures accordingly.
• Draw a chalk circle around one of the chairs, then avoid sitting on it when the meeting starts. When someone does eventually sit in it, cover your mouth and gasp.
• Turn your back on the meeting and sit facing the window with your legs stretched out. Announce that you "love this dirty ole town".
• Mount the desk and walk along its length before taking your seat.
• Reflect sunlight into everyone's eyes off your watch face.
• Gargle with water.
• Repeat every idea expressed in a baby voice while moving your hand like a chattering mouth.
• Chew tobacco
• Gradually push yourself closer and closer to the door on your chair.
• Hum throughout.
• Bend momentarily under the table and then emerge wearing contact lenses that white out your eyes.
• Drop meaningless and confusing management speak into conversations, such as "What's the margin Marvin?", "When this turkey going to get basted?", "If we don't get this brook babbling, we're all going to end up looking like doe-eyed Labradors".
• Use a large hunting knife to point at your visual aids.
• Announce that you've run off some copies of the meeting agenda. Then hand out pieces of paper that reads:
  
  My Secret Agenda.
  1. Trample the weak.
  2. Triumph alone.
  3. Invade Poland.
  
  Re-collect them sheepishly and ask everyone to pretend they haven't seen them.
• Attempt to hypnotise the entire room using a pocket watch.
• Leave long pauses in your speech at random moments. When someone is prompted to interject, shout "I AM NOT FINISHED".
• Pull out a large roll of bank notes and count them demonstratively.
• At the end of the meeting, ask everyone to stand up and join you as you sing the national anthem.

How To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity & Drive Others Insane

• At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
• Page yourself over the Tannoy. Don't disguise your voice.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN'.
• Put decaf in the coffee machine for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions,
  switch to espresso.
• Reply to anything said with, "That's what you think".
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Ask people what sex they are.
• Specify that your drive through order is "to go".
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
• Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss
  does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender).
• Send e - mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example : If anyone needs
  me, I'll be in the bathroom.
• Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess".
• When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won, I won! 3rd time this week!!!"
• When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
• Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do."
• Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
• Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"